When Judah learnt that Jesus had been sentenced to death, he was sorry for betraying his master and returned the money and publicly admitted ‘’ I have sinned by betraying a man who has never done anything wrong.’’ Whenever I read this portion in Bible I used to raise a question in mind: Why a merciful God allowed such a disgusting end of suicidal death to one of his chosen disciples, who regretted for his act? It was like a grudge against God in mind.
A couple of weeks ago when I was reading this portion , I received the answer in a clear way. As I was reading this, my thoughts were instantly taken to the life of 2 characters in Bible. First was Apostle Peter who, in spite of being very close to Jesus in all crucial times, easily denied Jesus thrice in a very short span of time. But soon he realized the gravity of his mistake, truly repented from the bottom of his heart to the extend of crying openly like a child and the merciful master was more than happy to restore him to the honored position promised for him making him a rock on which the church is being built.
2nd was the criminal who was hanged on the right side of Jesus. In Mathews chap 27:44 and mark Chap 15:32 we see that both the criminals who were hanged along with Jesus had insulted Him. But only when it comes to Luke chap 23: 42 we see that the criminal on the right side asks Jesus “Remember me when you comes to power! ‘’ This means that even the criminal on the right side had insulted Jesus while he was on his cross but at the very last moment he realized that Jesus is God and asked for his mercy and Bible is clear that Jesus promised him paradise on the very same day. These 2 incidents that came as a flashback, instantly gave me answer to a question that was haunting my mind for many years. These 2 persons, Peter and the criminal on the right side did commit grave sins but both of them repented and corrected their mistakes, both of them get back to the one who could forgive their sins. Judah also regretted for his sin as we see in Bible verse quoted above but we don’t see him going back to Jesus, instead he felt sorry for what he had done and hanged himself. Had he gone to Jesus and asked for his mercy, 100% Jesus would have forgiven him and he could still have enjoyed the honored position along with other 11 disciples. For the criminal who was at the very last moment of his life on this earth , the only option available was to regret and believe in Jesus and ask for forgiveness, that he did and he earned his paradise. Peter not only regretted his sin, but also used the rest of his life for the glory of his master.
In many situations, people who commit mistakes, later regret for their wrong actions, but many a people leave their repentance incomplete by refusing to take the corrective actions that is possible or available to them, leaving the sin to remain as it is with its dangerous consequences. As is written about Judah’s betrayal of Jesus ‘’One of you men who has eaten with me from this dish will betray me.’’ Similar thing happened to Kuwait Marthomites with only little difference in the roles played by the characters. Since Jesus was god who could read the heart of people with their past, present and future, what Judah did was not a surprise to Him as he knew it beforehand. But to ordinary folks of Kuwait Marthomites, the betrayal came as a bolt form blue, from someone who was thought to be holy in character and close to their heart and therefore least expected to betray them. In case of Jesus, it was his disciple who betrayed his master but in case of Kuwait Marthomites, it was the leader, their Dioecism Bishop who betrayed his folk. Just as Judas felt sorry for his sin, the synod members who overtly or covertly connived or passively participated in the sin of treachery are now understandably regretting the blunder in hush-hush voice( because admitting mistake openly is below the dignity and will hurt the pride of our leaders who always believe they are infallible).
True repentance require accepting and admitting the mistake, regret it and take corrective action and not reading a text book portion of repentance in mechanical way or beating the chest in soft or harsh manner in Qurbana. It is very incongruous that a spiritual leader who is supposed to be a role model for transparency and integrity resorted to such deceiving means and treachery to achieve something. Let what they achieved in Kuwait be a lesson for the marthoma leaders first, and then to everyone else because the word of God given thru Jeremiah in Chap 17: 9 to 11 still works and should be a reminder to those who think wise by practicing deception . “…. You cheated others, but everything you gained will fly away, like birds hatched from stolen eggs. Then you will discover what fools you are.’’
Better late, emulate Peter or the criminal on right side, than never, as what happened to Judah!
One question remain: Judah at least admitted and regretted his mistake. But do those who refuse to take even this first step of admitting the mistake have any right to blame Judah or preach of repentance?
Sajan